had this thought hit me randomly this morning.
With all the noise around AI right now. how revolutionary it is going to be, how much it might change the tech industry, how many software jobs it might cut in the coming years. I sometimes catch myself thinking:
man, why did I pick Computer Science?
And then I blank out.
Why did I pick CS?
I do not really have a clean answer.
Maybe I picked it because I was good at math and science. Maybe because it felt like the obvious thing to do. Maybe because it seemed safe, respectable, and practical.
But the more I thought about it, the more that question started to feel too narrow.
Because it is not really just about CS.
The better question is:
“How many of my choices were actually conscious, and how many were just me following the path that was already in front of me?”
In hindsight, looking back ever since I was a kid, it felt like I wasn’t really questioning, at any point, what I was doing, or why I was doing it.
There was this imaginary path laid out for me, and I was just hopping along it from one station to the next like a puppet.
I’ve asked myself this a bazzillion times - why did I pick, for example, to study Computer Science? Maybe it was because I was good at math and sciences in general, so naturally I gravitated towards a related field. But I do not think I ever gave myself enough space to wonder if I could be doing something else.
I started with a limited pool of options, because this “imaginary path” hadn’t exposed me to other stuff. What I can definitely say is that some of those choices were not made consciously. Sure, I wasn’t forced into it, but I was just going along with the flow.
And yes, I was just a kid, and maybe that’s just how it is. If you ask a kid what they want to do in life, they’ll probably say “I want to be an astronaut,” or “a pilot,” or “a football player,” or “a scientist,” etc. They probably don’t know what any of those actually entail. But the pool is larger, which is more important.
As you get older, that question gets asked less. Maybe not everywhere. Maybe not in every culture. But in eastern culture, at least in my case, it felt like it got asked less. And more importantly, I asked myself less. I know a lot of my friends have been in the same boat.
This is not to say not knowing what to do is a bad thing. In fact, the freedom to do what you want, and the freedom to choose, is a great thing. But I have also realized that freedom is not available to everyone in the same way.
So maybe the least we can do is stay aware of ourselves. Aware of what we are doing. Aware of why we are doing it. Questioning yourself does not mean you need to have a perfect answer. It just means you are not sleepwalking through your own life.
That kind of questioning helps you understand what you want, what you expect, and what you are actually walking toward. If you’re in high school right now, or in college, or hoping to start something or any other stage of life, and feeling like you’re on this imaginary path, ask yourself:
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What do I think is waiting for me there?
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What am I hoping to get out of the journey?
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What do I want this phase to change in me?
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How will this shape the next station I end up at?
You may not have answers. That is fine. But you’ll have a better understanding, and better outcomes, even if it’s a decision you haven’t made consciously. Whatever stage of life you’re at, you’ll have to ask yourself those questions.
Don’t be static in your thinking.
Don’t build a wall around what is possible for you.
That applies even after you have already picked a path. Maybe especially then. You can have the degree, the job, the title, the “safe” path and still feel stuck because you have started seeing your current situation as the boundary of your life.
I had a conversation with a friend who wasn’t happy with his job that went something like this:
Him: I’m not happy with my job, I don’t want to work here.
Me: what do you want to do then?
Him: idk, but something hands-on. Something where I’m actually working with people, not just sitting all day, staring at a screen.
Me: ok, like what?
Him: idk exactly, but yeah, something like that.
Me: Alright fine, then what do you want to do?
Him: I don’t know. what do YOU want to do?
Me: Idk exactly, but whatever it is, I just want to do something that matters. I don’t want to just be some cog in a wheel. maybe something that helps people, impacts lives, and feels exciting to work on.
Him: Okay, so how does being an SDE help with that?
Me: from the way I see it, I can still do a lot more from where I am. or atleast try to. Build things that actually help someone.
Him: But how do you know there isn’t something better out there, if you haven’t even tried anything else?
Me: maybe there is. But you can spend forever looking for that “better” thing without ever using what you already have. neither do I have that freedom rn, to just go chasing around and do whatever I want, and not worry about it.
Neither of us really had a clean answer that day, if I’m being honest. But that’s kind of the point.
And look, realistically, you have to pay your dues first. You might have to suck it up and do the job for a while, earn some money, pay off tuition or loans, take care of responsibilities, whatever it is. That’s fine, that’s life.
What is not fine is getting comfortable in that and just going with the flow indefinitely, until years pass and you look up one day wondering what you’re doing with your life. Everyone eventually asks that question. But questioning it while you’re still in the flow, a little at a time, beats dropping everything all at once in some midlife-crisis moment. It might nudge your journey in a different direction, or at least give you a better perspective.
Don’t just sit around doing nothing, waiting for something to come, nor chase it constantly, draining yourself out.
Nobody’s perfect, neither is their path. Whether you’re choosing a path or you’re already on one, introspect.
Question it.
Understand why you are on it.
Understand what you can actually do from where you stand.
Do not just wait.
Do not just chase.
Ask, understand, and then move.